Students needing recommendation letters, click hereArticle in Today's Arizona Woman on my surgery
"Forgiving
is supposed to be about self lovingly releasing resistance to the pain
of your injury
and
allowing yourself to feel reverence for yourself in your pain.
about
the author
It is NOT about freeing the injurer!"
forgiving text -Portions of an unpublished text on the topic of Forgiving -A few things to remember about what forgiving is and is not
Tucson lectures are held from 7 to 9 pm on Wednesday evenings at The University Medical Center, 1501 North Campbell, in the rooms indicated below. Pasadena lectures are held from 10:30am to 12:30 pm on the Saturdays shown below at Throop Memorial Church, Los Robles & Del Mar, Pasadena, California
Specific titles for the 2nd and 4th Wednesdays will be noted as the dates approach
01/05/2005 Soul’s Yoga
Workshop ($20) Room 3505 at UMC 01/29/2005 Soul’s Yoga Workshop ($20) Morrison Room at Throop Memorial Church
02/02/2005 Soul’s Yoga
Workshop ($20) Room 3505 at UMC 02/26/2005 Soul’s Yoga Workshop ($20) Morrison Room at Throop Memorial Church
03/02/2005 Soul’s Yoga
Workshop ($20) Room 3505 at UMC
03/16/2005 Soul’s Yoga Workshop ($20) Room 3505 at UMC 03/26/2005 Soul’s Yoga Workshop ($20) Morrison Room at Throop Memorial Church 03/30/2005 No lecture this night
04/06/2005 Soul’s Yoga Workshop ($20) Room 3505 at UMC
04/20/2005 Soul’s Yoga Workshop ($20) Room 3505 at UMC 04/30/2005 Soul’s Yoga Workshop ($20) Morrison Room at Throop Memorial Church
05/04/2005 Soul’s Yoga Workshop ($20) Room 3505 at UMC
05/18/2005 Soul’s Yoga Workshop ($20) Room 3505 at UMC 05/28/2005 Soul’s Yoga Workshop ($20) Morrison Room at Throop Memorial Church
06/01/2005 Soul’s Yoga Workshop ($20) Room 3505 at UMC 07/02/2005 Soul’s Yoga Workshop ($20) Morrison Room at Throop Memorial Church 07/06/2005 Soul’s Yoga Workshop ($20) Room 3505 at UMC 07/13/2005 Relationships ($10) DuVal Auditorium at UMC 07/20/2005 Soul’s Yoga Workshop ($20) Room 3505 at UMC 07/30/2005 Soul’s Yoga Workshop ($20) Morrison Room at Throop Memorial Church 08/03/2005 Soul’s Yoga Workshop ($20) Room 3505 at UMC 08/17/2005 Soul’s Yoga Workshop ($20) Room 3505 at UMC 08/27/2005 Soul’s Yoga Workshop ($20) Morrison Room at Throop Memorial Church 09/07/2005 Soul’s Yoga Workshop ($20) Room 3505 at UMC
09/22/2005 Soul’s Yoga Workshop ($20) Room 3505 at UMC
10/05/2005 Soul’s Yoga Workshop ($20) Room 3505 at UMC 10/29/2005 Soul’s Yoga Workshop ($20) Morrison Room at Throop Memorial Church
11/02/2005 Soul’s Yoga
Workshop ($20) Room 3505 at UMC
12/07/2005 Soul’s Yoga
Workshop ($20) Room 3505 at UMC word-of-mouth
 Home
Forgiving
(in brief)
Forgiving
Text Table of Contents
Values
& Preferences
My
Personal Webpage
Worthy
Links
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Grief from the death of a loved one is nearly
unbearable. When there are traumas leading up to the death -- like
when your loved one is taken from you through homicide, manslaughter, suicide
or medical mistakes -- grief can threaten your sanity and can feel
life threatening.
At no point does "forgiving" feel like a good idea. And I think the reason why is that there is a major flaw in our culture's interpretation of forgiving. The model of forgiving being taught in my lectures differs dramatically from that of the prevailing model for forgiving. It is designed specifically for people dealing with the most irresolvable traumas of all: survivors of homicides, manslaughter and medical neglect. In fact, whatever your loss, be it the death of a loved one or the death of a relationship, the processing of learning to find reverence for YOU will bring meaning and purpose back to your grief. Religions and psychologists alike endorse forgiving as a tool for or as evidence of healing. However, I am convinced that extending compassion outward over the top of your own pain in an attempt to do this thing people think is "forgive" is a sure way to end up with more problems than you started with, and is a guarantee that you will suffer the myriad diseases and poor health conditions that accumulate from chronic grief. At the least we are left with guilt because we can't or won't. What differs in my model for forgiving? Forgiving is seen as a state of being that embraces YOU, not an action or intention toward someone else. It isn't something you do to someone. The other person isn't involved in anyway. Forget the person, the place, the thing, or just life, that caused the injury. Forgiving is not supposed to be about anything outside of you. Rather than forcing yourself to "forgive" the other, which always ends up being misconstrued as reconciling, condoning, excusing or feigning indifference, my model of forgiving allows compassion for others to emerge only as a by product of the love you are able to give yourself by diligently practicing these two simple steps: 1) Relax your resistance to your pain; andThe pain does not go away. Instead, my process directs you toward building the amount of love you have within you to the same size as your pain, thereby attaining a state of equilibrium and forgiving within yourself. This process brings you out of the desperate position of being forever broken and hostage to the actions of others, and over time you develop reverence for everything including the pain in your life. I welcome you to my Web site. There's a great deal to read on the topic of forgiving the unforgivable, and the information on tapes and lectures can be of great assistance to you in finding your own way through your deeply troubling traumas. Bless your tender heart!
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Patti, certified as a grief counselor and death educator with the internationally acclaimed Association for Death Educators and Counselors (ADEC), has worked as a grief and trauma counselor for 20 years. The focus of her work has been teaching the value of applied self love (meaning care, kindness, interest, attention and affection) in a state of released resistance to pain as a tool for developing the compassion required for healing from trauma.
She teaches Psychology of Love & Spirituality, Psychology of Death & Loss and Advanced Health Psychology at the University of Arizona.
