LOVE MATTERS

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A New Model of Forgiving for Unresolvable Trauma and Grief

"Forgiving is about self lovingly releasing resistance to the pain of your injury.
It is NOT about freeing the injurer!"

What forgiving is not...

Forgiving is NOT reconciling, forgetting, excusing, condoning, or pardoning.

What forgiving is...

Forgiving is an action you take for YOU.

By forgiving, you soothe your own broken, disappointed heart from the injury inflicted by the perpetrator.
Forgiving means you take back your life and terminate the perpetrator's continued psychic control over your life, even though he or she may have torn the fabric of your life in an unchangeable, irreparable way.
In Forgiving, you may still continue to grieve deeply, and you will do it with deep compassion for yourself; emerging from your crisis whole in spite of your loss.

Always remember...

Forgiving is for you; not for the injurer. You are the one who benefits. The injurer benefits only to the extent that he or she experiences true remorse and becomes desirous of making change and amends.

Compassion for the injurer emerges as a side effect of YOUR OWN relief!
Compassion can rarely be safely applied over the top of your pain.
All successful paths to Forgiving share one thing in common: Surrendered Self-Responsibility